Thank you for choosing The German Boxer!
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Before returning The German Boxer for any reason, please contact your local The German Boxer SPECIALIST
Save this manual for future reference
WARNING: Read all instructions before activating. Failure to do so may result in collateral damage, product constipation and/or the end of the world.
- Maintain a clean and clear work space. Clutter will result in The German Boxer defaulting to Destruction Mode.
- Remove all fragile property and store indefinitely. Failure to do so will result in The German Boxer defaulting to Destruction Mode.
- Endeavor to create open space for The German Boxer operation. Your new product requires daily application in an unobstructed area for Disturbance Mode. Assignment of approved tools (see list below) to The German Boxer is recommended, but not necessary.
- Gloves are not required to operate your new product. Adequate coverage is, however, recommended as failure to cover may result in personal injury during The German Boxer Piranha Adolescent Mode.
- Avoid accidental starting of your The German Boxer. Unexpected activation may result in undesirable exhaust when The German Boxer defaults to Emission Mode.
- Use caution when stooping near your product. The German Boxer comes equipped with superior suspension and can cause physical discomfort or broken nose when in Vault Mode.
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Determining Your The German Boxer’s Preset Mode
Model 2.0 of K-9 Series is a streamline prototype. Switches and monitors are internalized for optimum aesthetic appeal. Modes are determined from Model 2.0’s behavior.
Please note: Preset Mode for all K-9 Series Model 2.0 is Piranha Adolescent Mode.
- Piranha Adolescent Mode: Characterized by temporary needle teeth and product’s pulverization of nearby property and flesh. Also known as the Cuddly and Sweet Puppy Stage.
- Destruction Mode: Characterized by the annihilation of prized possessions. Also known as the Bad Dog Stage.
- Disturbance Mode: Characterized by excessive energy output and utilization of approved tools. Also known as the Playful Stage.
- Emission Mode: Characterized by pungent exhaust and followed occasionally by Waste Elimination Mode. Also known as Gassy Dog Stage.
- Waste Elimination Mode: Characterized by your product’s elimination of liquid, solid or a combination of the two. Also known as the Potty Break Stage.
- Vault Mode: Characterized by a coiling of The German Boxer’s energy into a crouching position and release of said energy in an upward vaulting movement. Also known as the Jumping Bean Stage.
- Alarm Mode: Characterized by over 235 sounds ranging from sirens to authentic yodeling. Also known as the Vocal Dog Stage.
- Stasis Mode: The rare Stasis Mode is attained when all above modes are depleted and The German Boxer short circuits for a period of time before rebooting. Also known as Nap Time.
Try to only use these approved tools:
- Ball: Use this apparatus to gain the retrieving application with your The German Boxer.
- Squeaker: Use this instrument to generate irregular and annoying noise.
- Stuffed Figure: Use this utensil to train your product to locate and remove stuffing from inanimate objects.
Optional Upgrades (Available Anytime)
Your Model 2.0 comes equipped for most operations. Optional upgrades are available for purchase to make The German Boxer operate more smoothly.
Identification – Label your product for ease of relocation if misplaced:
- Microchip (the most cutting edge technology)
Gear – protect your The German Boxer’s upholstery with the latest apparel:
DANGER: An unsupervised product is a hazard. The German Boxer is fully automated and can function independently. However, without Operator’s assistance, the product can malfunction and enter Destruction, Alarm and/or Waste Elimination Mode unless properly contained.
Your product comes equipped with fully automated provision absorption. Provisions should be acquired at specialty stores and provided on a daily basis for regular and uninterrupted operation of The German Boxer.
If provision absorption occurs at an unusually rapid pace, product may acquire a temporary glitch, resulting in interrupted intake and exhaust patterns, also known as the Hiccups.
Do Not Refer to Defunct Owner’s Manual
Danger! The now-obsolete “Owner’s Manual” for the Boxer should be disregarded and operators should only refer to this new manual.
The obsolete manual made the dire mistake of referring to Model 2.0 as property that is operated by an owner.
Despite reference to “your product,” the creators of this manual recognize that Model 2.0 of Series K-9, also known as The German Boxer, is not an owned entity, but a responsibility, addition and cherished member of the operator’s family.